maybe it's the fact that i was stuck working in hicksville (actual town name), long island until 10:30 last night, but i feel it's very important that you all know the following RIGHT NOW.
- on the subway today, people were holding the doors open to let stragglers in. though this is discouraged by the transit authority, it is common, and i will confess to having committed this sin on occasion. the subway operators usually stick to a canned script about "please do not hold the doors blah blah" but not tonight! tonight she decided to inform my fellow passengers and me that "when you hold the doors, you just make everyone get home later."
that's technically true. but, by the very act of blocking the doors and not permitting the train to depart, people are demonstrating that they are not greatly influenced by the shame of delaying less-tardy subway riders. so this plea is falling on deaf ears.
what i think she should have said was "passengers: when people hold the train doors, they are indicating that they don't give a damn about your schedule. they think they're more important than you are. teach them some damn manners and beat some ass."
so then i daydreamed for the rest of the ride about a full-on brawl in a moving subway car. (in case you're wondering, i think the best strategy is to go for a judo approach and use the attacker's momentum against him or her. maybe let them throw a punch and then direct them, headfirst, into a pole.)
- a friend of mine - we'll call her Racktastic, because it's one of the better nicknames I've ever bestowed upon someone - insisted that she wouldn't be a phone sex operator because it probably didn't pay enough. after i effectively lawya'd her argument to pieces, she conceded she had no idea what phone sex operators make and would have to investigate.
i of course promptly forgot about this conversation. that is, until i woke up the next morning after a good night of fundrinkery and saw i had an email from Racktastic, subject line "Phone Sex."
um, Racktastic is married. and not "married and looking" married. so you can imagine my terror at that moment. i didn't remember propositioning Racktastic, or anyone else for that matter, for phone sex that night. but one never knows when a weird, House-style neurological affliction may strike!
the e-mail, of course, was just Racktastic reporting in on her research into phone sex operator pay. apparently $10 to $25 an hour is not unheard of! so, Racktastic's husband, i apologize ahead of time for your wife's sudden change of career path.
- it is extremely annoying to me when people say "cheers" to mean "goodbye." if you're british, or at least can fake a good british accent, i guess that's one thing. otherwise, i'm just going to start saying things like "bon appetit" in place of "you're welcome."
- as you can probably guess, long island is terrible. i had two completely separate michigan natives comment to me that long island was gross and poorly laid out and visually miserable. it's not like these people were from hawaii or brazil or someplace great and dazzling. but they are both absolutely correct...
...except that i spotted a Q-ZAR in long island. (i won't link to the website because it blares house music at you, and you don't need that in your life.) laser tag can make anything better. even crap-ass long island.
this brings the worthwhile things about long island to a grand total of 4: q-zar, soledad o'brien, dr. j, and telly savalas.
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