H. Steve's 2009 Bowl Preview - December 31

Did you really think I was gonna get up early to give you a prediction for a NOON bowl game? Obviously you've underestimated my social agenda.

I have, however, come up with an easy answer to this Urban Meyer situation: Bring me in as player-coach. If there's one phrase that describes me, it's ruggedly handsome. But if there is a second phrase, it is natural leader of men. First rule as coach - if you can't outbench me, you don't play. I predict we may have to relax that rule just to field a complete defensive line.

Plus, I'm fine just coaching for one year while Urbz gets his mind right. Handsome Steve is not exactly what you might call "big on commitment."

December 31

Sun Bowl - Stanford v. Oklahoma

Now this is an interesting matchup beyond the fact that Pritchard isn't the usual starter. No, I'm going to focus on the fact that we have two (2) quarterbacks here with clearly pointy heads. Weird, yes, but workable, as Stanford's QB is showing. Jones, the fade only ACCENTS your point. Not a winner's cut. Stanford plus 7.

Texas Bowl - Missouri v. Navy

Tough call here given that we basically have near-identical QB hair here, but when in doubt, HANDSOME STEVE SUPPORTS AMERICA. Take Navy and the six points here and do some pushups at halftime, because you know those fuckin British are just itching to take back this land.

Insight Bowl - Minnesota v. Iowa State

Two dull-ass teams, two dull-ass haircuts. At least Austen is completing the dull trifecta with his refusal to smile. The fuck are you so happy about, Weber? Iowa State plus one and a half.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl - Tennessee v. Virginia Tech

Vol fans, how does it feel having an Everlast impersonator line up behind center? Jesus. Are you TRYING to look like a sex offender, Crompton? I would not be at all surprised to learn that a rattail was photoshopped out of this picture. Virginia Tech minus 4.

Enjoy New Year's Eve, Brosemite Sam.

Handsome Steve's record is currently 5-8-1.