confusing friends

item 1: two newlywed friends of mine recently went to jamaica on their honeymoon and stayed at a Sandals resort. for some reason i've always thought Sandals was a series of resorts for swingers, but this couple doesn't seem like that type. and the Sandals website is of no help:

What is Sandals?

Sandals is a diverse collection of 12 of earth's most idyllic Luxury Included® resorts. Sandals is a uniquely romantic vacation for couples in love looking to get away from it all and to just be with each other.

uniquely romantic? as in your wife is free to hump any swede that happens to catch her eye? but there is that "just be with each other" business. mmm, unclear so far.

We are traveling with a couple of friends. Can we request adjoining rooms?

We accept requests for adjoining rooms and will always do our best to accommodate you and your friends. However we cannot guarantee that adjoining rooms will be available.

to me this reads "so you want to wife-swap with tom from the rotary club? that's cool. but please understand sometimes there is SO much prearranged swinging going on at our resorts that you'll have to scamper down the hall to get some action."

Is nude sunbathing allowed at Sandals?

Sandals does not promote or advertise clothing optional or topless sunbathing. In the event a guest chooses to participate in this activity in more remote areas, the management will intervene only if it becomes disruptive to other guests.

translation: short of rape, fuck whatever you like, whenever you like, however you like.

item 2: courtesy of an email exchange between me and grant.

I end up having to make cookies the way people did before some genius invented break and bake; like with the cookie powder and eggs and water and milk and butter. And let me tell you something, it was AWFUL. Takes all the joy out of cookie-making. To compare the two, If break and bakes are a 10 out of 10 on the delicious scale, then these cookies were a 7 or 8, so not too bad. Now if break and bakes were a 10 out of 10 on the ease of preparation scale, then these cookies were a -3. And that's not an exaggeration.

What the fuck is cookie powder?

You know, fuckin cookie powder. I can't tell you how long I tried to come up with a better word, only to be unsuccessful. All I know is that it's powdery and it requires milk and butter and eggs and heat before being ready to eat.

i still have no idea what he's talking about. i'm worried it's flour. seriously, is "cookie powder" a real thing? it's not, is it?

- item 3: this has nothing to do with a friend but whatever. a recent nyt article was describing how tons of people who have been laid off are going back to school. pretty standard and not very surprising - until one sneaky sentence.

"Prebble Q. Ramswell, 37, is among those choosing to return to school after being unable to find work."

please. you believe me to expect that PREBBLE Q. RAMSWELL isn't a made up name? i understand journalism is not always as fun as just shoot me would make it seem, but come on. get a real source, dick.