H. Steve's 2009 Bowl Preview - January 4 through January 7

Ladies and gentlemen, what you see to your left is my Winner's Jacket. It has been passed down from generation to generation, from my great-grandfather Statuesque Stefanius, to my grandfather Rugged Stevie, to my father Ladykiller Stephen, and finally to me, his Handsomeness.

I do not lose in this jacket. You name it - blackjack, craps, Jenga - if I'm playing it in this jacket, I am winning. So it is with jacket on that I make these my final picks for this bowl season. It's been a sweet ride with you, Peter Bro'tooles and Brosephine Bakers. You've been almost as great as the sweet paychecks that I get for this gig.

(Ed. note - We do pay Handsome Steve for this featured column, but not in cash. Once a week we drop off a mixture of baby powder and Tang that he's convinced is human growth hormone.)



January 4

Fiesta Bowl - Boise State v. TCU
Goddamn. That is some full scale ginger. I'm taking Boise plus the four points only because I can't see how the rest of the offense can even look at Dalton in the huddle.

January 5

Orange Bowl - Georgia Tech v. Iowa

Hey look, the most boring BCS game features the most boring quarterback hair! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT. Take Georgia Tech and the 3.5 points.

What's that? I'm supposed to give a reason for the pick? Fuck you - these guns are reason enough.

January 6

GMAC Bowl - Troy v. Central Michigan

Though we all agree that the fade is overdone in college football hairstyles, LeFevour is actually kind of rocking it here. It has an aura of "don't worry, wide receivers/high school senior girls. I'm here to protect you." And normally that would really touch me where it counts. But Levi Brown, damn, that is some HAIR my man. Fellas, trust me when I tell you to print that picture out and take it to your local Fantastic Sam's (official hair cutters of Handsome Steve). Troy plus 4.5.

January 7

BCS National Championship - Texas v. AlabamaGreg McElroy, I've seen 5th graders with quarterback hair better than that. Nobody has looked good in the side part since me in 1998 (and yes, it did look awesome as shit on me, thank you). Your hair is all potential and no production.

Meanwhile Colt McCoy basically looks like a less athletic, uglier version of myself. So yes, he's not 105% likely to win, like yours truly. But he's probably a solid 87%. And that's not too shabby. Texas plus 4.



Handsome Steve's record is currently 10-11-1.