breakfast time, 04/12/10

- this needs to be cleared up first and foremost: never will this blog be a source of "nude zinedine zidane pics." i know, you probably weren't worried that it ever WOULD be, but somebody got here searching for precisely that. and yes, i realize that the mere act of writing about this search makes it that much more likely others will stumble here searching for nude pictures of a head-butting bald frenchman. whatever.

- maybe you think i'm a capable, mature, self-sufficient person. (admittedly, you probably don't do this, but just imagine you do for a second.) CONFESSION TIME! i have no idea how to mop a floor.

well, not no idea, but a pretty poor one. i know you need a mop, a floor, a bucket, water, and some cleaning solution. it's the combination of those elements that always gets me. i know you need to put the water and the solution into the bucket, and then put the mop in, and then rub the mop all over the floor. or something. but what do you do when the bucket gets filthy after like two passes with the mop? (do not say mop more often. dick.) and what the fuck happens to all the water on the floor?

inevitably this process ends with me finding a towel i don't care about that much, slapping it on the floor, and stingray shuffling around until the water is mostly dried up. mopping is such bullshit.

- in the pantheon of great/ridiculous florida stories, this one is especially impressive. so much to marvel at here! i choose to focus on one fact in particular: how desperately can your body crave booze when you choose to chug a steel reserve in this situation?

- SkyMall Item of the Day: Mother's Day is just around the corner and, per the usual, SkyMall totally has your back, lil dawg. Just imagine the look of pure joy on mom's face when she sees this baffling light-up fountain floating in the pool! Don't believe me? Just check out this kickass review!!

"Fountain is very weak, shoots water less than 12" high. Pump stopped working after less than 5 mins of use. LED lights are not that bright. Not worth buying."

YEAH WE LOVE YOU MOM! (Seriously, what are you making for lunch, because Todd finished all the leftovers.)